Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
