fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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