After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
