I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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