so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
