We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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