Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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