Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
