What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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