the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god it's open bar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
