Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
