Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
try to milk me bitch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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