dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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