Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
