I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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