I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
