I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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