Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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