of course. lets lasso hookers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
