so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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