Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
