I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
