now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
smell my finger.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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