Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
