4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just cut my nipple shaving
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
