he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
