The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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