I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
