I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
