First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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