the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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