I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
