She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
