just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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