She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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