You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
