Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
