Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
