My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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