No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
false alarm, still single
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
