Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
