Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize