Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
