my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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