3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
