The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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