So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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