I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
