I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
