Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
