my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Blood and glitter go together right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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