I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
