I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
