East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
