HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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