I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Please don't give away my fajitas
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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