Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
