dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
