I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
