Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize