I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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