let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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