dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
