Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
