2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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