Sacagawea was the original milf.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
