Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
