Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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