I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
