so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
