I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize