Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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