apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
