two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have already put on my inside pants.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
