is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
