Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I AM VODKA MAN
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
